The Worst Songs & Albums Of 2023
Yuck.
It’s important to know what’s bad to understand why things are good. These 10 songs and 10 albums gave me a pretty good understanding of just how good the best songs of this year were, because they were all so awful. Special shoutout to Greta Van Fleet and Drake for making lousy albums, but not lousy enough to make my lists.
Every song and album is linked to a YouTube video of the song/playlist, but as someone who listened to every single one of them, beware.
Worst 10 Songs Of 2023
Did you ever think you’d hear the Pepto Bismol song, the Tums jingle and Mr. Clean all wrapped into a catchy song? No? Me neither. Honestly, I don’t think “Pepto Interlude” is nearly as bad as the rest of the songs on this list. It’s so hilariously stupid I can’t help but laugh every time I hear it. So this is more of a placement to highlight a so-bad-it’s-good type of song. LISTEN
Good lord, where to start with Kanye’s verses? The Jewish “joke”? The Columbine references? It’s so incredibly untasteful, which isn’t surprising but still makes me so sad to hear him fall to these levels. The other verses are utterly forgettable, and because they’re so anonymous they make Ye’s offensive bit even louder. LISTEN
Leave it to an actor to be this out of touch with good rock music. “Love These Days” is an ugly mishmash of dull indie rock and synthpop that sounded stale years ago. Not to mention, Leto’s sickening voice singing the most vapid lovelorn lyrics you might have ever heard. God this is painful. LISTEN
Credit to Hannibal Burress, he’s serious about making music. It’s just that he doesn’t make good music. Whatever tongue-in-cheek nature this song is supposed to have just doesn’t work. With an obnoxious beat and rapping that’s maybe purposefully off key, I’d rather drop these weights on my foot than listen to it again. LISTEN
No song this year slowly fell out of favor with me quite like “Flowers” did. At first I thought this was one of Miley’s better anthems about bitter heartbreak, but the more I listened to it, the more bland and uninteresting it got. The whiny chorus is just so annoying I can’t wait to get it out of my head forever. LISTEN
If Dream’s flat, out-of-tune singing wasn’t enough to turn you off, “Everest” adds the flat, out-of-tune rapping of a hack like Yung Gravy to really bring the quality level down. Both “artists” highlight my biggest problem with YouTube: with no vetting process, we allow the unwashed masses to boost untalented hucksters like these two to incredible heights of popularity. Not bitter at all. But at least I don’t put my name to shitty music and act like I’m proud of it. LISTEN
Have you ever hashed out your relationship problems at a Waffle House? No, you’re more likely to throw hands at one than go to couples therapy. It’s such a stupid choice the Jo Bros made to make the title of their latest over-sanitized radio hit. “Waffle House” is a catchy song, but in a way so processed you can hear the 20 bigwigs at the label putting it together. It’s bound to be played endlessly in department stores for years to come, but probably never in an actual Waffle House. LISTEN
For as little effort as DaBaby seems to put into his personal image, he’s putting even less into his music. Not that his music has ever been smart or well-thought out, but “SHAKE SUMN” is a new low. The beat sounds like it cost less than $10, and the repetitive, uninspired chorus begs so many questions. Can you even call what DaBaby is doing here rapping? Can DaBaby come up with lyrics that don’t degrade women after all his controversies? Does this song even deserve to exist? No is the answer to every one, and no, you shouldn’t listen to it. LISTEN
When Måneskin lead singer Damiano David unleashed a loud “BLEAH” 20 seconds into “KOOL KIDS”, I felt that. Choosing the most vomit-worthy part of the track is tough though. You could easily go with Damiano’s nails-on-a-chalkboard voice. There’s also the lyrics that are supposed to be rebellious yet sound like they were written by a middle schooler. Maybe your poison is the rancid excuse for “rock n roll” that Måneskin peddle. Any of these elements are bad enough by themselves, but the combination here is a real testament to how down bad rock music is these days. LISTEN
You know what 2023 didn’t need? A revamp of a classic song like “We Didn’t Start The Fire”. That iconic Billy Joel song is so ingrained in a period of history and culture he experienced that it all works. Fall Out Boy’s version feels so forced, as if they scrolled Wikipedia to find things that’d rhyme. Maybe I’m jaded in the fact that I think, culturally, the time period FOB cover here isn’t as important as what Joel sang about, but Captain Planet? Really? Was there nothing more interesting from 1989 - 2023 to include over Captain Planet? Having the historical events out of order makes it feel even more like a lame attempt to capture another artist’s magic. In a year where they actually released a decent album, Fall Out Boy couldn’t help but turn in the biggest stinker of the year. LISTEN
Worst 10 Albums Of 2023
The only thing endless about Miley’s latest album is the time you’ll spend trying to get through it. The sappy synthpop heard throughout the record is just plain boring, making it hard to stomach 46 minutes of it. I’d recommend you don’t. LISTEN
It’s been 12 years since “Friday” became a viral sensation, but sadly, Rebecca Black hasn’t really capitalized on any momentum from it. Her latest attempt is a hyperpop record that’s stuck 5 years in the past. The sounds and tropes of each track would fit in with an amateur trying their hand at music for the first time, not someone who has plenty of resources as Black does. It’s sadly more GFOTY than 100 gecs. LISTEN
Do you have any idea who Rob Grant is? Yeah, I didn’t either until this album crossed my feed. He’s Lana Del Rey’s dad, and that is truly the only reason he has any sort of fame. His debut album is a series of piano songs that contain absolutely nothing memorable whatsoever. It’s a lazy use of fame to slam a couple keys for a few minutes and call it a day. LISTEN
Posty is doing what he wants, and I respect that. He’s earned the right to make what he wants, but after hearing AUSTIN, I wish he didn’t have as much creative control. The love for pop music is clearly there, but the understanding isn’t, leading to most songs feeling undercooked and forgettable. The vocals are similarly unremarkable, a far cry from songs like “Better Now” or “Sunflower”. Call me back when Post Malone is back to what he does best, because this ain’t it. LISTEN
I can mildly appreciate that Lewis Capaldi thinks his own music sucks, but that doesn’t make the music not suck. Broken By Desire To Be Heavenly Sent is a hella pretentious title, and not a track earns this album that title. Capaldi’s voice is shrill and borderline unlistenable, and definitely not one I want crooning about girls he probably doesn’t deserve. If he can be so self aware that his artistry is lame, why can’t he do better than this? LISTEN
Everyone’s favorite Minecraft cheater tried to un-reveal his face, so can I un-listen to this EP? Dream’s inner circle must not be able to criticize him, because there’s no world where his friends heard his flat, out of tune voice and told him “yeah, that’s good, release this”. The vocals make every song a chore to listen to, not to mention every generic trope of pop music the instrumentals hit. It’s like every song sounds like it was dipped in Clorox and sanitized to appeal to the children who think Dream isn’t a total loser. He is, by the way. LISTEN
At this point, AJR albums are what they are. They’ve conquered the pop world with their brand of excruciatingly childish pop music, and I can’t do anything about that. But I can tell you that their latest series of songs are for manchildren, by manchildren. Their views on growing up and relationships become even more sickeningly twisted to the point where I think the average layman is being negatively influenced by it. Lyrically it’s pathetic, made no better by the usual amount of epic, Disney-fied synthpop that has no trace of a soul. I pray for whatever women come into the lives of these three knuckleheads. LISTEN
I refuse to believe DaBaby paid more than $50 for the three trash beats that make up this EP. They’re so incredibly uninspired, a far cry from a past hit like “SUGE”. Lyrically, we’ve never accused DaBaby of being a poet laureate, but this is a new low of repetitive rapping even for him. It’s as if this EP only exists to exist, for more streams and more disdain. LISTEN
Outside of Jared Leto’s cult, who does Thirty Seconds To Mars even make music for? They’ve got the Maroon 5 problem where they’re trying to sound hip and cool to people who know they’re not hip and cool. Every ounce of stadium sized rock just falls flat, and there’s really nothing you haven’t heard before at any point of the LP. Leto’s voice has degraded over the years, but I’m sure his echo-chamber cult has convinced him this grating falsetto is the way to go. And that album title is so lame a five-year old could come up with something more poetic. It’s albums like this that make me think we really need to vet our celebrities harder, lest we continue to get more dreck like this. LISTEN
If you thought Thirty Second To Mars’ latest was bad, you are 100% correct. But these Italian fraudsters outdid them at their own game. RUSH! is seventeen tracks of torture where the quartet beat you over the head with their guitars because that’s what rock stars are supposed to do. Every song is obnoxiously loud to the point where I have to wonder if they’re compensating for the fact that Måneskin can’t come up with a catchy melody to save their life. It’s poor construction slathered with Elmer’s glue to keep it together. And the vocals. Oh my god, the vocals are some of the worst you will ever hear. This is Machine Gun Kelly levels of awful, no matter if the lyrics are in English or Italian, and the sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll Damiano David sings about have the depth of a puddle. This album is the full package, atrocious from start to finish and the foremost example of why Europeans have no taste in music because these jokers won Eurovision!!! LISTEN
Now that that’s over with, we’ll get to the fun stuff!
Top 10 EPs: https://cfreemon.substack.com/p/the-10-best-eps-of-2023
Honorable Mentions: https://cfreemon.substack.com/p/2023-honorable-mentions-songs-and
Top 100 Songs: https://cfreemon.substack.com/p/the-100-best-songs-of-2023
Top 50 Albums: https://cfreemon.substack.com/p/the-50-best-albums-of-2023